Twitter Fritter v.7

Ah, another quarter rolls by and Twitter burns another $136,000,000 using generally accepted accounting principles.

Are you a Twitter shareholder, hanging on to those shares "worth" $36.54 each? The company issued a fresh $175,000,000 worth of shares this quarter to pay employees and executives. Who slurped up all those new electronic shares of a company that has never earned one penny in profit? Lucky Twitter shareholders. Smart move!!

If you want to hitch your wagon to a hot Dot Com 3.0 company, I have a digital start up called projectile-vomit-shares.com. Here's the idea. Anyone can login to my server and post some text (limited to 160 characters), then everyone else can see their post. Meanwhile, the company will digitally projectile vomit roughly five million shares a quarter that lucky investors can buy. I only plan to issue $100,000,000 in shares each quarter to pay for my living and operating expenses and I promise I will lose less than $136,000,000 each quarter using GAAP. Note: This is not investment advice. Management makes no claims on forward looking vomit or projectile vomit.

See also: Twitter spends 35% of revenue on stock-based compensation