Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Twitter Fritter v.7

Ah, another quarter rolls by and Twitter burns another $136,000,000 using generally accepted accounting principles.


Are you a Twitter shareholder, hanging on to those shares "worth" $36.54 each? The company issued a fresh $175,000,000 worth of shares this quarter to pay employees and executives. Who slurped up all those new electronic shares of a company that has never earned one penny in profit? Lucky Twitter shareholders. Smart move!!

If you want to hitch your wagon to a hot Dot Com 3.0 company, I have a digital start up called projectile-vomit-shares.com. Here's the idea. Anyone can login to my server and post some text (limited to 160 characters), then everyone else can see their post. Meanwhile, the company will digitally projectile vomit roughly five million shares a quarter that lucky investors can buy. I only plan to issue $100,000,000 in shares each quarter to pay for my living and operating expenses and I promise I will lose less than $136,000,000 each quarter using GAAP. Note: This is not investment advice. Management makes no claims on forward looking vomit or projectile vomit.

See also: Twitter spends 35% of revenue on stock-based compensation

5 comments:

  1. I was able to earn up to $900 per day working from home thanks to projectile-vomit-shares.com! It's an amazing site!

    It's all in my free* book titled "How You Can Make up to $900 per Day Working from Home at Projectile-Vomit-Shares.com!"

    * Just pay $9.99 shipping and handling.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brilliant! I hadn't thought about the work from home angle. Even Chinese housewives can make a fortune vomiting stock (after shipping and handling).

      Delete
  2. Twitter stock GAAP'd down 14% today.

    I think it is just a ploy to give Twitter users something big to tweet about. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stagflationary Mark,

      It could be a ploy. If they can get enough people tweeting about the crashing Twitter stock price, it might enough to save them. Here are some chronological tweets on twitter stock from yesterday:

      @StockTwits:
      WHOA. GIANT BEAT AT TWITTER. UP 11% RIGHT NOW -> http://stks.co/c2IOr $TWTR

      @StockTwits:
      OH WOW. A nasty fade is forming in Twitter right now. It went RED -> http://stks.co/a2IPL $TWTR

      @BySamRo
      After Twitter shares crash, 8 analysts say BUY and 8 say … meh http://read.bi/1U6670F

      I say...it's time to issue a few million more shares!!

      Delete
  3. GIANT BEAT!!

    I haven't seen a giant beat treasure hunters like that since the 7th Voyage of Sinbad!

    ReplyDelete